When I talk about traveling, I don't think you quite get it. Sure, everyone hopes to travel.  To walk around London, maybe go surfing in Australia or see the Great Wall and have some authentic and real Chinese food. And most probably do travel and enjoy every minute. But still, some don't quite get it. Traveling isn't just something I'd like to do for fun. Traveling IS what I do. Its like the yearning desire I have that can't be filled completely unless I step out the front door. It's not just something I would like to do or something to check off on my list of things I should do. It's something I must do. I travel to breathe. I travel to become. Because ironically, there is no single thing that makes me more of myself than traveling. And I feel like each time I travel, I feel just that much more comfortable in my skin. I find a part of myself that I didn't know yet - a part of myself that realized she would like to be a daredevil and try the cow intestines from Africa please, or a part of myself that has learned just how completely content I could be walking the roadways of old Copenhagen and completely get lost. But more than those big things that make me discover myself, there's just something about traveling that makes me feel like I'm, well, home. It's this beautiful connection that I feel to the ground I walk across- that wherever my feet go, I have roots. To feel a piece of my own soul be so connected to a place that I'm just discovering and feel so comfortable at a place that I've never really been....well, to me there's really only one way I can hope to explain it, and I think its love and me. A love for travel. And me, at the most true and honest form of myself. And thats why, when I talk about traveling, I don't think you quite got it. But now I think you might. 

july looks like...

june looks like...

may looks like...

things my brothers tell me, part 4:

L: I weigh 68 pounds.

G: How much do you think I weigh? Leo’s been eating a lot of snack lately.

G: (Upon seeing me pull out my second season to watch) Oh are we already on season two of Gilmore Girls?

L: (Eating a piece of magherita pizza) Wait, is this mold?

G: (To Noah’s large and gruff friend) Can I have your beard?

L: I might need a bigger helmet. I’m older than him.

G: (during the Olympics) I’m rooting for Norway. If anyone asks, I don’t know why.

L: He wants to watch Parks and Re-creation.

L: (after being served a nice big Belgian waffle) Hello – you have a one-way ticket to tummy town

Me: Your hair is a lot darker now dude

L: Yeah. Call me dirty blonde now. 

monday

Ok, I’m serious about blogging again this time.

I'm also serious about my new bed time, so hence, there is no picture. It was a busy day. 

I’ve decided having too many shades of chambray is never a bad thing.  A girl needs every wash possible, right?

Every morning I drive to work drinking my smoothie out of a red solo cup and I wonder if the people staring at me think I’m drinking akky.

I have decided that weddings are much more work than I thought they would be. Not in a bad way, but they are a lot of work. I eat, sleep, breathe weddings.

Yesterday I watched High School Musical 2 with the twins and I admit to getting a little too into the whole Troy and Gabriella love story. As L said, “They just kissed twice. That’s a lot of kissing.”

Optimism is my friend of late, and I like having it with me.

Also, I can’t stop reading Where’d You Go Bernadette?.  Like really, I’m in this battle with myself over reading it – I can’t stop reading because it’s so dang good and then I also don’t want to keep reading because I’m dreading finishing it and not having something this fabulous to read anymore.

I’ve found that wasting my energy on some things just isn’t worth it. 

I feel like being crafty. The computer screen hogs my life lately and I’m in need of a craft.

monday

I'm in need of a bang trim and hair cut. 

Getting back into writing is almost like getting back into the dating field. It’s awkward to get back into. But here I am – back again.

My last few weeks of school were busy in every sense of the way. But I’ve learned that that’s when I find out what isn’t necessary to my life and move on with what is.

I thought a lot about this last year at school.  And I learned a lot about myself.  More on that later.

I’m back to work.  Having an excuse to dress up every day = my kind of summer.

This summer calls for an onslaught of new routines, traditions, and experiences. 

I’m in a little summer book club and we read the most delightful books.

I just ate an entire sandwich sized Ziploc baggie of green snap peas for lunch. Hoorah for healty food.

Have you ever been embarrassed at your ability to speed through a TV series and at the same time not be embarrassed enough to stop? That’s me.

It rained today. Don’t you think the Earth looks its lovliest when it has just rained?

Allergy season is always the silent plague.  Trying not to itch my eyes until my make-up comes off leaving me to look like a druggie or a kid with pink eye, is harder than it sounds.

april looks like...

last night....

When you get invited on a Friday night to play Russian Roulette with eggs, you have to go.  And this is what always happens.....

monday

busy is an understatement. is it the end of the semester yet?
i'm trying to eat healthier now. weaning myself off treats is even harder than weaning myself off soda.
on the same page, i loooooove cooking lately. its heaven to me.
this is exactly how i feel about this movie. except i like richard gere.
i have another wedding to shoot this weekend and i can't believe its actually here!
i want to update my laptop to the maverick operating system very badly, but i'm also worried that it might erase things on my computer on accident....
so webmd last night was not a good idea. again. especially because i've added so much language to my repertoire of medical maladies and reading those listed only sent me into a panic. bad choice elsa.
if you can't tell, there's not much to say today that's worth mentioning. maybe next week.

travel coping

thats me, taking a picture in austria. i looked through some pictures from my trip last summer and had that aching feeling come back immediately. i wanted to re-shoot every single thing i had shot before and shoot even more pictures because i was baffled at little i had taken and how much i was already starting to forget.  so it makes me want to go back again. 

did i tell you about hallstatt? the most wonderful little town in austria? i felt like i entered a completely untouched piece of the country where tourists hadn't maimed it yet, and i was just discovering it. there were salt mine tours that were ridiculously boring while completely hysterical at the same time. and the town itself, with its architecture and little shops made me want to stay there for a few more days and eat brautwursts. so i think i'll start telling you more about this trip too, because i want to remember them too. 

do you ever look back? i think it's human nature to. we all look back, seeing the things that we remember. but the things that get me the most are the things that changed.  who i thought i would be. who i thought i was.  what i thought i would be doing.  where i thought i would be going. when i would be there. isn't it funny?  it was all so different that it makes us laugh at the idea of its difference and baffle at it too. the things that didn't happen and the things that we didn't expect, but came they to life. the old-timey grandma inside of me sits and shakes her head at life, thinking how am i ever going to make sure i've done it all.  is that bad? that i always remember things that have happened? or is it worse that i look forward to the things i imagine? regardless of the now, is not a way that i should live. so i'm coming back to that slowly, painstakingly just thinking about right now. because next time i look back, i want to remember being so engulfed in that time that its memory is distinct and its clarity in tact.

monday

this is as good as it gets today.

writing is therapeutic. that's why when i'm unbelievably busy i still write. i'm a creative.
oh happy st. patrick's day. i wore this green scarf. because i still remember when i was in kindergarten and my mom forgot it was st. patrick's day and i was about to get on the bus, so she took a safety pin and took a green leaf off the tree and pinned it to my shirt. that's a nice mommy.
i have only a few weeks left in school, and i just want to know, how is that going to work out?
target is all i need sometimes. and a good craft store.
the photos keep rolling in. i'm currently learning how to balance all of that.
can i please have the attractive man that skeeter dates in the help? he resembles john krasinski and zac efron at the same time and that is a blessed combination.
i've decided that i watch grey's anatomy like a drug user. its in spurts of way too much at a time and generally when i want to avoid doing anything productive. so, is that a bad thing...?
i get to go to girls camp again (which wasn't completely clear before), but i don't have to be in charge, and that is the funnest thing i could ask for.

lately.....

things i love lately.........

neutral colors 

its all i wear

sunny temple days for weddings

darling magazine

thanks for the suggestion jace

peanut clusters

addicted

flat wearing weather

when something is right

i think when something is right, it's different. its exhilarating. its not nervousness. its anxious and anticipation mixed with determination.

i was thinking about the last wedding i shot, which as i mentioned, was completely by myself. the temple was packed that day with 57 weddings, and navigating spots, keeping groups together, all of that stuff, was not an easy task. yet, the entire day i had this odd confidence about me. like i had done it before and i already knew what i was doing. it wasn't a 'fake it til you make it' kind of thing. it was real and odd and completely unbelievable. i don't know how i did it, but all i do know is that it was right. it feels like its not only what i want to do now, but what i am supposed to be doing now. and those little moments i have when i remember this and realize this make me feel so wonderfully blessed. that reassurance from a divine being is one of the more powerful experiences in life and i could not respect it more.

monday

this is how i feel. except i'm not dressed like this. 

so, somehow i got on this stint of wanting to listen to the dixie chicks on repeat.
also, long car drives back to school are really just my excuse to have glee club rehearsals. because that's what keeps me awake.
the bachelor finale is on tonight and half of my apartment already knows who wins. why we're still all watching it is a riddle to me (insert sarcasm here).
doterra oils are literally magic. like sometimes, i think that they're potions from hogwarts.
every night before i go to bed, i sneak out to the living room and turn on the AC because it gets so hot during the night. and in the morning everyone asks why its so cold hehehe
i have decided that being the back up is not in my best interest. done.
i also have decided that i love doing what i do. i shot my first wedding all by myself. it was a rush.
also, what was with the one photographer that wore jeans to shoot her wedding? JEANS! unprofessional.
this monday is one of those mondays that i literally couldn't care about anything else.
falling asleep last night was no easy task. waking up was even harder. #daylightsavingsprobs #insomniacprobs
i've purposely made myself not watch grey's anatomy since last thursday. ask me how its gone.
all i know is, i can't complain, because i got pizza from my dad and chik-fil-a this weekend. i'm set.

For your Sunday

 This was given last week at my school and it has an incredible power.  Listen if you get a minute.

https://byui-media.ldscdn.org/byui_ft/devo_audio/04_03_2014_Devo.mp3

This really got me. We have agency to choose who we are and how we define ourselves.  Denying ourselves our own decisions and letting others do so is not what was meant to be.

"There are also people who consider the defining fact of their existence that they are from Texas or that they were in the United States Marines. Or they are red-headed, or they are the best basketball player that ever played for such-and-such a high school. People can adopt a characteristic as the defining example of their existence and often those characteristics are physical.

We have the agency to choose which characteristics will define us; those choices are not thrust upon us.

The ultimate defining fact for all of us is that we are children of Heavenly Parents, born on this earth for a purpose, and born with a divine destiny. Whenever any of those other notions, whatever they may be, gets in the way of that ultimate defining fact, then it is destructive and it leads us down the wrong path." - Dallin H. Oaks

lately........

things i love lately..................

the march page of my calendar

keep breathing and corner of your heart

i know they're old, but i can't stop listening

magazines with color

#livetexting the Oscars with my best friend.

we have the same brain.

practicing still life photos. 

Lets talk about the Oscars

Lets talk about the Oscars, because it already feels like it was so long ago, and I don't want to feel that way. This is one of my favorite nights of the year and I don't think people realize that until they experience me experiencing the Oscars.  And because of that, I have to #livetext my best friend from different states so someone who KNOWS Hollywood and films like I do, can identify with me. There were so many fabulous things though, I just have to gush for a minute. 

Ellen - she was fabulous.  Just really - after that train wreck that was Seth McFarlene last year with too many racist, sexist, and terrible canned jokes that you knew he had planned for weeks on end.  Ellen was just Ellen and it all worked out fabulously.  I mean, who buys pizza at the Oscars??

Fashion - ok, I know its kind of random, but I have to say I still am blown away by how great Olivia Wilde looked. She blew all those other pregger women out of the water.  Other honorable mentions - Cate Blanchett, Lupita, Sandra, Julia, J. Law, Amy, and Jared Leto - that bowtie killed me. 

Wins - Though I haven't seen a majority of the movies nominated (waiting for the DVD so I can Clearplay all those fabulous, yet rated R movies), I did my research, watched trailers, and so on.  I think the wins were fabulous and every bit deserved. Except for Gravity. It won way too much. And then let's talk about those speeches - I don't think I've heard as wonderful and inspiring speeches as those in the Oscars in years!  Seriously, this was one of the best Oscars yet.  So now starts my new goal to watch a large majority of the films that were Oscar winners from the very beginning. 

weekly

I. Love. The Oscars.
You can bet you'll see a post on that soon.
Also, I'm now crossing my fingers, excitedly waiting for the Us Weekly and People magazines of the Red Carpet editions to come out on stands.
I have a wave of photos to shoot and edit lately and I seriously love it so much.  I'm crossing my fingers it stays that way.

The snow that plagued small college town all day on Saturday was not welcome. Like, at all. Luckily today its just raining.
I'm desperately looking for a black utility jacket for a decent price and preferably has gold buttons. I  have yet to find one. 

I miss going on trips with my family. Whatever it is about family trips that is different, I don't know, but it makes everyone so much funnier and I can't wait until our next one. 

I'm really loving green beans and asparagus lately.
Catching Fire comes out on DVD this Friday and I can't wait to buy it.
I'm really hoping spring comes sooner. Because its fresh and I like it. 

My photography teacher really intimidates me, because he's so good at what he does, but when he gives me props for my photos, I feel so cool. 

march looks like

lately....

things i love lately.......

 

printing my own photos. 

its a good feeling. 

gnocci. 

i don't mean to brag, but this was the best meal i've ever made.

the lake, by aqualung.

product redesign.

can you guess what i'm redesigning?

planners. they save my butt. 

african stories

have you ever had a moment when you knew things with such exactness and precise knowledge that it moved you to your very core?  a knowledge so sure and so powerful that it seems as if every single thing in your life all connects to that point, because that one thing that you know is so strong, it must have everything to do with it all. have you ever felt that?

i distinctly remember feeling that one day. it overtook me like a wave of emotion and power mixed and sent clarity through my heart.

there was a girl in africa. she was young, probably in her early teens. and she was sick. very sick. one day as we closed the clinic for the day, turning away patients, her father dragged her in by her arms, and gently set her by us, not saying a word.

the rest all happened so quickly, its sometimes hard for me to remember it all.  but throughout seizure after seizure, and several episodes of passing out, our small little group of clinic helpers became very worried about this girl. we knew she must go to the hospital, because it was beyond our nurse's help. but making it there - even making it home - was what troubled us all. i thought it was sure she wouldn't make it back. she could barely stay conscious, let alone sit up straight on the back of a little moped scooter for more than 10 miles on the dirt road.

"can you go get the other men to give her a blessing?" the sweet nurse asked her husband, believing in a power far greater than what we had, putting aside religious prejudices (her family was not from the same church) and calling upon something she knew to be an answer.

and in the middle of that barren land in kenya, africa, she was given a blessing.  and just as simple as it was given, she left with her father again.

through the next few days as the nurse and her husband spent time with the girl at the hospital, they discovered malaria that had traveled to her brain, and treated it. and with more kindness, they decided to sponsor her education at the school we had worked at, and give her a better life there.

that moment comes to me time and again. the moment when i realized of the intricate plan we all have.  things have been set in motion for us, that we may not even comprehend. things that are hard and burdensome, that we would rather live without.  but then those things can bring us blessings that would have never come about without those hard things.  and to look back at all those things, i couldn't help but know with such preciseness that there is a God, and He is in our lives. and that moment - that powerful moment - was so simple, that it brought me the clarity that i know could have only come from Him.

hi, i'm back.
in case you didn't know, i went to my best friend's wedding a little over a week ago. and in case you were wondering, it was so wonderful, fabulous, and happy.
i also got to be her photog, with my other best friend as my co-photog. two huge experiences meshed into one? fabulous.
i think i've become a little bit of an insomniac. i find myself staying up until all hours of the night, pushing off sleep.
maybe its because i keep having dreams that i'm in grey's anatomy. and that includes all the drama it comes with.
the other day it snowed while it was 47 degrees and sunny. the sun was out. am i in hell?
sundays feel abnormally long lately.
i keep pushing off loads of homework. i think i'm at the end of my semester rope.
is it funny to anyone else that all of the people that i don't like suddenly decide they want to like me now? like, really. these idiots can't get timing right.
also, i have three other weddings booked for the next two months. THREE. happy happy.
this whole no sleep, over stressed, tired body, over working mixed with the above said business of the semester has proven to be a toxic mix. and yet, somehow i'm still managing.

lately i feel like this. 

i plan on fixing that this weekend. 

with lots of work, 

grey's anatomy in the background, 

and more picture editing than you can imagine. 

oh and some focus. 

happy weekend!

lately......

things i love lately......

this big fancy flash. 

i feel legit. 

oils. 

yep, i'm one of those crazy oil people.

i am SERIOUSLY addicted to this show.

my gold necklace. 

let's be still. 

this lotion saves my dry dry hands.

Summer and Jon

And to top off all that love, here's a look at Summer and Jon's engagement photos. Don't they look so happy?? It's adorable and it makes me happy. Summer was my roommate for a semester and she and Jon are so great together. Congratulations to them!

i love love

I am so full of so much stinkin' love and mush, its not even funny.  Legit.  I keep "aww"ing and smiling and laughing and giggling, and I don't even know why. My best friend got married and I'm a wreck over it - a fabulously good wreck though - I am so so happy for her because she's so happy and that leaves me a happy mushy mess. (Jace, you really were right about love all those years of gushing over it. You knew it was better than anything and you went and found it and proved everyone wrong. Here's those three words - you were right). And then my roommates are all gushy and sweet with their boy toys and instead of the usual, I'm over here finding myself just wanting to be around them all and bask in their happiness so it can add to mine. And on top of that all, I find myself enthralled in work with people that love. I take pictures and document love, while newly engaged and married couples forget that I'm around them and escape into each other's eyes. And I don't mind one stinking bit. Guys, I don't know what it is. Is it possible to be in love without having anyone to love? Probably not, but whatever, here I am. Admit me to the psych ward now.

You know that feeling you get when you've had a break? It's like everything you usually do should have been put at a stand still hold - school should freeze, friends do nothing without you, and the rest of everything in your world should all pause for just a minute while you just take this break. But its like when you come back, everything kept going on without you, and you're flabbergasted that it did. Not only that, its now taking turns kicking you in the butt and stressing you out. That's where I'm at.  I'm so worried what I missed out on, I haven't checked anything at all. I'm even debating not going back to school tomorrow. Or at all. It's really too bad that's not an option.

monday

i have no time to take a picture today. oops.



i force myself to eat healthy now. and sometimes finishing that plate of veggies for lunch can be rough.
also, does that cancel out the cupcake i had earlier? having a baker for a roommate can be bad for my figure.
i had two meetings for wedding photo shoots this last week and i have never been more excited.
i feel like i'm picking up speed on the things i want to do with my life and it makes me so happy.
its snowing like crazy here. really. its like a snow tornado, flying every which way. and for once, i kind of wasn't happy about the snow.
the song 'hot and cold' has never made more sense to me than it does now.
i had an assignment to take landscapes, and while i normally dread them, i was happy with how they turned out.
i love talking to the twins on the phone. they are the funniest and it makes me miss them.
i am upset over phillip seymour hoffman's death. who is going to play heavensbee? no one else can do it that well.

february looks like

lately....

things i love lately........

my izze bottles

happiness by the fray

adorable letters

leggings. 

bowling teams. 

just being me. 

once there was a guy that called me a moneyball girl. and for a short time i was his moneyball girl. it was as simple as things not working out. timing, spacing, where we were at in our lives. it just didn't work, but i still dove into it head first. because thats what i wanted to do. because you don't give up on someone that calls you a moneyball.
have you ever seen moneyball? its about a baseball team that decided to look at the game a new way and realized that home runs and batting average weren't what got you wins. it was walks and punts - things that don't look as good as the rest, so certain players were left overlooked. and those players were called moneyballs.
he told me that they were the kinds of girls that didn't really get asked on dates as much. they were overlooked for their prettier and more catchy friends. but they were the ones that were passionate about things. they goals and they worked on them. they were spiritual. they had a good family and cared about others.
"you're a moneyball girl. i don't want you to take that the wrong way either. you might not go on dates, but i think that's a shame. because if guys really took a minute to look, they'd realize it all. you're the kind of girl they want to marry. you're the kind of girl they all want to have. and its incredibly unfortunate that none of them have realized that about you yet."

and that was all i needed to ever hear to go forward. it made all the difference. he brain was full of science and practicality that opposed my emotion run creativity, but he understood my mind and that was what i needed.

the story of the terrible awful

WARNING: Images may seem disgusting and disturbing. 

And that could very well be completely true.

Last weekend I went home for the short break, and what followed could only be described as "the terrible awful".  While the whole family was occupied in the basement watching American Idol, Jenna and I threw away a batch of homemade oreo's that were much too runny for cookies.  And sitting there in the garbage can, we laughed at the pile that resembled something only little boys should laugh at.  Wanting to create something with this pure genius look alike that couldn't be passed up, we cleverly devised a plan that would surely satisfy all of our laughter. So we craftily molded a piece of dough into a little loaf that could only be mistaken for a half hazardly attempt at pinching it clean and laid it in the wrong spots.  Worried that the twins would possibly foil my plans, I very explicitly explained the instructions to not tell my parents with G responded with a serious, "Whatever it is, I'm in". A few hours went by and we still had not had an incident. As bed time came, I pushed G to lead Dad or Mom to the bathroom to find the little bomb. I thought that he had, but I only found Dad and Brig scolding him for not cleaning up rat poop. He walked out of the room and in his grumpy G way, adamantly threw his hands in the air and said, "I know! I'm getting the toilet paper!!!" and then walked past me and winked and shot me a gun gesture.  Confused and out my main man, I made Brig reveal the secret. 

"I need Gus and Leo here, RIGHT NOW!"

"What? Why?"
"Huge poop. On the seat. POOP. On the SEAT!"

And that was all I could have asked for. 

But I'm not sure which is more satisfying - the reactions from my parents, my dad laughing for hours the rest of the night, or the pure genius that stemmed from G (side note: he took a piece of the fake poop from the toilet, rolled it into a small rat poop, and placed it next to my dad to trick him into walking into the bathroom to get toilet paper and find the big behemoth). I don't know whether I should be proud of him or scared. Both ways, I still can't stop laughing about it.  

monday, oh monday

i am so tired. i could sleep for days.
i'm thinking of transitioning over to WordPress for my blog...thoughts?
chicken salad is the best thing ever. so is coming home from a grocery trip with enough food for a whole month.
doing laundry for only myself is still a really weird thing for me. i guess i'm destined to do lots of laundry for lots of kids.
lately i dream of downton abbey and myself as a crawley sister.
i made lots of pizza on saturday and it was so good.
that bachelor wedding though....not as eventful as it seemed it would be. bring on the juan pablo tonight!
i am on the verge of a creative outbreak in my life right now. i can feel it in my bones. the possibilities are perfect.
also, i spent an hour looking at past oscar winners and nominees and i feel like a movie buff failure because i haven't seen HALF of them. so, here starts my new resolution to start watching all of the movies that have won and were nominated. ever.