well, i'm off

here we go. 

after months of talking, stressing, crafting, and preparing, 

the final moment has finally arrived. 

i'll be spending the week in the mud and dirt

and boy am i ready for this. 

so peace out man. 

lets hope i make it through this. 

woooooooo for girls camp!

for your sunday

this
is a beautiful talk that stuns me with the power of its words.
read it.
enjoy it.

"When the Lord requires that we forgive all men, that includes forgiving ourselves. Sometimes, of all the people in the world, the one who is the hardest to forgive-as well as the one that is perhaps in most need of our forgiveness-is the person looking back at us in the mirror."

lately....

things i love lately....

full cafe rio cards

the50

high waisted crops on sale at target

red lips with red hair

not so sure it would look good on me,

but i'm a fan

naps. 

where does the love go by this lovely lady

color blocks

i originally wrote a three paragraphed piece 

about why it matters to always dress classy 

because we deserve to look the way we should feel. 

 but then i realized that that doesn't really matter. 

i really just wanted to share the shirt i wore today. 

because it is two different shades of green

to fit my green life

and its pretty dang cute. 

i'm not a fashion blogger whatsoever,

but today, 

i just liked my shirt. 

I also must settle a score with my last blog post.  I realize after a few friends comments that I seemed dramatically overwhelmed and depressed by the amount of work I have to get done. I am in no way, whatsoever, as dramatically depressed as my post portrayed.  I apologize for the way it came off. I simply meant to write about how ironically funny it was that my brain was not functioning (I could not speak normal functioning English to my brother and it was a hoot) and the brain farted Elsa seemed to not be able to convey the more humorous side of the story and made it seem like a pitied side.  I know-the picture makes me look like a ticking time bomb.  Let’s just set the record straight-you are all so wonderful to be so kind to me in my stressful time. I’m really doing quite well and I apologize in my embarrassment at the wrong impression given. 

fumes

currently experiencing a brain malfunction

coupled with exhaustion, causing confusion on every level. 

expecting to continue this for the next week 

as i learn what it really means to run on fumes.

this is my hell week.

pardon my language. 

the final countdown before camp has begun

and i'm not sure if its smart to stay up to the late hours of the night 

and cram my days with the last minute preparations 

and leave my brain in a stupor of regular thought, 

but it is what it is homies. 

no idea what just possessed me to say homies. 

oh well.

saturday snapshots

lately...

things i love lately....

best friend wedding announcements in the mail!

this article. 

its kinda funny. 

half baked ice cream.

watching movie trailers. 

just a few that i'm very fond of. 

wearing leggings. 

falling slowly by the swell season. 

little brother

last week i took pictures of 

my younger (but taller) brother noah and his adorable girlfriend gabby. 

they were going for a rebels without a cause/50's look. 

and while it frazzled me that noah told me this idea last minute

(that is the difference between me and my brother)

i'm really liking what i did end up with.  

it was probably because i just really loved the old barn we found

and most likely because i am completely envious with gabby's gorgeous natural red hair. 

either way, it was a fun time.

known

there is someone that knows me more than everyone else. knows me more than i know myself.
someone that, because of their divine knowledge, knows exactly what potential i hold.
and for that very reason, they trust in me and give me, in my lonelier moments, the smallest glimpses of what i could become, to help me hold onto it.
that gentle push of encouragement, not chastisement, is what i need every time.
and while it constantly battles me, it never tires them.
i could only hope to live to that full potential, to show that i did not waste their faith.
and like nothing else, it moves me.

i have no doubts that i am known. and above all other things, loved.

im getting excited about these things

the four packages that are arriving in the mail any day. 

yeah, i've become an online shopper amongst other things.

spending a total of 4 days camping with a bunch of teenage girls

and singing the traditional camp songs at the top of my lungs. 

who's ready for lost voice round 2??

wearing a dainty yellow dress and pretty white daisies

and taking pictures like this with jen on her marvelous day. 

yep, this most definitely is a picture that i stole from my friends facebook. 

i just think its so lovely and adorable. 

a somewhat less busy three weeks of no extra list of things that need to be done

or things to plan, other than what my heart simply desires.

the imminent and much anticipated arrival of friends, 

which begins the sequential start of yet another year at school

and yet another year learning more about the things i love in small college town. 

life in....techni-green?

the green. does it ever end?

no. it doesn't.

lime. forest. olive. carolina parakeet.

its all green.

everywhere i go, the green jumps out at me. 

even if i can't use it. i just think 'hmm thats green.'

i even dreamt in green. everything was green. go figure.

so for now, i'm liking the 'sassy' green polish on my toes, 

and the lime green t-shirts adorning my table.

i even don't mind the large loads of green printed papers that need to be cut out.

but i have a feeling, come august 3rd, i will be VERY done with green.

heck. i even just realized my blog background is green. 

lately....

things i love lately...

lloyd dobler holding up that boombox, playing in your eyes.

this quote

teapots to conveniently go with my teacup obsession 

the girl by city and colour

my dog. 

i know, i know.

this picture.

secrets of a super shopper

there are few things in this world that feel better than a super shopper moment.

and today my friends, i was a super shopper. 

just indulge me while i happily tell of the best money saved in my whole camp budgeting-

i had scrimped and saved and budgeted in order to have enough money 

for the beloved ward t-shirts. 

i stressfully pinched pennies, buying the essentials first, 

and waiting to see if there would be enough left over money for the shirts.

i deduced that there would be enough money, 

so today i went to michaels to take out this hefty purchase of almost 30 green t-shirts.

and boy, did i leave with them ALL. BAM!

not only did they have all the shirts i needed and in the right sizes 

(the week before i went to three different stores that lacked any sizes of green at all)

BUT, they were on sale!!

that's right-instead of my major purchase rolling in around the bigger numbers, 

it was now half the price. 

thats what i'm talking about. 

they also had the green ribbon i need for a fraction of its usual price, 

and some very cute green daisies to pair with our table decorations. 

i walked out of that michaels more proud about craft shopping than i ever had before.

and thats when i understood the thrill and rush of being a super shopper. 

have you ever seen so many green t-shirts bought at once?

stay tuned for when i will inevitably take up couponing....

another flowing fingers moment

sometimes i have this pressing need to be different than everyone else. and i am not satisfied with following the crowd or having them follow me.  and while, at once, i thought this was an esteemed trait of diversity and a need to create and be someone entirely different than everyone else. i felt that once i finally achieved this elusive greater being that was the great elsa, that i would finally gain the happiness that i had been searching for.  

but i learned that the more i sought this ambiguous uniqueness, the more upset i became with myself. the more tortured i was with the people i had once considered friends.  i could never fulfill my true happiness because of a lack of satisfaction in my own creativity. there was always someone that did the same things. and there was always something new that had to be made.

i became obsessed with claiming my right as the originator. i was possessive with my ideas and even my thoughts. i dared not share  a single word, for fear of being 'copied' and therefore 'de-specialized', taken off my high throne of majestic singularity.  

and finally, through the sassy showings and elitist ego, i saw the littlest bit of light. a teeny glimpse of the real problem that was at hand. 

and it was this: 

i was simply not satisfied with being myself. pursuing the things i liked, regardless of how trendy or seemingly non-trendy these things were, was not enough for me, because i was not me. i did not want to be like the others and i did not want others to think that i was simply following the crowd. and this very thinking is what lead me to becoming the nastiest being i had become, tearing down others in fear that they were stealing my identity that i had not yet found. and through much learning and time spent simply by myself, i learned of me. 

and i learned of my own beautiful and unique personality and character. 

and i was amazed at who i was. it was a time that i discovered the filling need to just be me. to do what i love and be how i am, because i like it. and just as slowly as the insecurities left me, they began to take the flakes of judgement with them. 

and because of it, i am happy. truly happy. i don't think that there are more ways in this life that one could find such a contentment in their life. there are always the occassional thoughts of inferiority and the shyness of sticking myself out there, but there is a constant reassurance that always returns. and it greets me as a feeling of gratitude, that this is me and i am diversely unique from the other thousands of beings out there. and i am here to stay. 

why all this soul searching? you may ask. it was simply what i needed. and while i know there are many out there that find my stories to be cliched and dramatic, to that i say, it was my journey this summer, and it was my time to figure it out. and 

it

is

me. 

from a long time ago, because i'm too tired to write now,

from a distance, it makes perfect sense that the people and the things you think will save you, are the very ones that have the power to disappoint you the most bitterly. but up close, it can be a bewildering surprise.

and quite honestly, i believe that it must be them that should hurt us. to either show the truth of their internal essence, or awake us to a greater sense of compassion. it must be them to do the simplest act or the most heartbreakingly horrible deed to make us feel the most wretched we could ever feel. for they are the ones we would so easily forgive. they are the ones that will help us understand compassion and the ongoing process of forgetting the faults. and if it is the darker side shown. well then, there is simply nothing that tells the truth more than that.

no amount of suffering can be asked for, but we must hope that we will face the anguish with the best of intentions. for it would be awfully foolish to lose those we love most to the pride of our own hurt souls or to be blinded into a fable.

things from yesterday

1. when the power seems to go out for an indefinite amount of time, 

the family generally seems to look for more candles. 

and while my mother had a large array of many various candles, 

we were allowed to use a mere 1/3 of them. 

the rest were for decoration. 

noah and i laughed.

2. it was my twin's birthday! yay! 

i do miss her

and i think i counted that there were only around

50 days

until our reunion. 

and while i could not be there celebrate her birthday,

i hope she had a marvelous one. 

i ate cookie dough in my own pathetic celebration.

3. two webinars. i attended two, two hour webinars yesterday.

and it felt like school. except a little cooler.

and then i typed the rest of the day. 

sounds boring. but really it wasn't. 

saturday (and sunday) snapshots

things that make me, me

i prefer bows in my hair and bangs on my forehead.

i love hydrangeas, especially white ones.

it is always hard for me to wake up.

i like to travel to the rarer set of places in this world.

when i read a book, i read the crap out of it.

i wear too much navy blue and gray.

i don't have my ears pierced.

i'm very picky with clothes. 

i internalize other people's problems as my own. 

i could watch movies all day long.

i'm big on birthdays.

my skin is very dry.

i prefer to keep my hair ginger.

i love surprising people.

my feet are too little for how tall i am.

i like to have late night snacks.

i could receive nothing but informational books for my birthday and be completely happy.

i look like my mom.

i am blind with a -750.

i'm also short of hearing.

i use my emotions to perceive and judge my world.

i'm artsy.

i always admire the voices of others.

and most of all, 

i. 

like.

me.

lately...

things i love lately....4th edition

parades with these dudes

blue toms

corn nuts and fireworks. 

they go well together

bubble parade fun with little friends

spiderman.

it was genius.

my little friend sitting with me all day.

new feats and new friends

in practicality, it should have been, and was, 

one of the most nerve wracking and scariest things i have done yet. 

the nature of my personality has never allowed me 

to boldly and comfortably express my artistic side 

to those i do not know with a close and personal bond. 

so, making complete sense, i should have been terrified.

and to some extent, i was worried,

but not as i thought. 

i was oddly calm and uncharacteristically outgoing

and shared myself with those i did not know, as i never had before.

and while it very much had to do with the sweet and similar personality of my new friend, 

i realized that it also very much had to do with a much higher ideal.

and now, as i write this, 

feeling the swelling pressure in my chest, and knowing what it is, 

i can't deny that there is a plan in my life and i am doing it right now. 

i would have been blessed as so, if i was not doing what is set in motion.

and boy, is it a beautiful thing. 

i didn't plan on writing something like that for this post, 

and i almost never do, but here's the fun part of it all!

about a week ago, i was emailed by a lovely girl asking if i would take her pictures. 

as are all my reactions to people asking if i would take their pictures, 

i was a little shocked, but unlike my usual reaction, 

i was much less nervous and much more excited!

so we had a fun little photoshoot down in provo (my first time shooting there!)

and it turned out to be not only a splendid time.