e-blast #172

its official. i hate juliet. she's a crazy psychopath who is worse 

than her dirty rotten brother in jail could ever be. 

S is definitely not crazy-she may have a few issues, but honestly, not enough to be committed. 

what the heck is up with B and chuck?? can't they just get together again already?

little j has GOT to go. but i do give her props for confessing to blair. 

i can't believe the monster vanessa has turned into. to think i used to like her...

i knew i always liked dan. there were moments when i thought he was horrid,

but he really redeemed himself lately. too bad serena is his step sibling...

if you ever wondered if i had a bit of an obsessive streak in my body, 

this post would probably answer that for you. 

anyone else want to chat about the fourth season? 

give me a call. 

xoxo, 

gossip girl

bahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

sunday movie nights

i love when he falls asleep on my shoulder. 

i love my sweet little boy. 

the strong assurance

there is a divine guiding hand in the life of us all. 

and just when there are times that i think i might have pushed that hand away 

or given reason to let me fend for myself, i realize it is not gone. 

after the painstaking and humbling things i do to make my world right again, 

i slowly realize that it never left me. 

that maybe that hand was there all along.

maybe it pushed me away, just to realize what it was like to be without,

and to want to come back. 

and maybe it kept me from the very verge of destruction

 and scooted me towards a better, but not yet healing light, 

just to let me learn a few things.

the hand that brought me to, but kept me just above, the spilled milk 

and let me learn how to clean it up, 

was always there and always knew.

it always knew what i did not know i was capable of. 

but it patiently waited, until i realized it to. 

and then it took no credit for the things it had done. 

and i wept at its meek beauty and promised to always let it hold me.

saturday snapshots

lately....

things i love lately....

old movies in the mail

my new job

hold on my heart &

down on love by this lovely lady

148 page views in one day

thank you jenna and austin for getting engaged

taking pictures. 

as always, my red red hair. 

i apologize for the poor quality of some of these photos and of the overall creativity of this post. its been busy starting a new job. 

the story of the 50

amazon has been my friend lately. 

i tell him the things i wish to purchase, 

and he kindly sends them to me in return.

my weakness:

old movies.

and when i say old, i mean the audrey hepburn, fred adstaire, cary grant classic. 

it was today, upon opening my latest gift (casablanca-ahh!), 

that i realized the spiraling sickness of my obsessive movie buying. 

and i counted, the 50, yes, 50, movies that i now own. 

so there you have it ladies and gents. 

i now own half a hundred movies. 

now, to defend myself just a little bit, 

i really do watch them a lot, which probably doesn't sound all that great, 

but at least i'm not just buying movies and only watching them once. 

and though it may not look like 50 movies, 

some contain multiple movies in one. like my beloved harry potter boxed set. 

elsa, its time you set some goals

i've never been a fan of goals. it normally means that i decide to do something grand,
and then i never end up doing it.
and i become, disappointed and embarrassed. 

but this is the new elsa, 

and the new elsa sets goals. 

and the new elsa will be held responsible for those goals. 

and what better way to publicly humiliate and embarrass myself

(to hold myself to it)

than to post it on here?

do something creative once a week-

get those hands dirty and sticky with with all sorts of craft supplies elsa marin.
just let your creative brain go crazy. 

i'm going to write in my journal-

once a week. its important to update your future self.

and darn it, i'm going to get more sleep!

i've had enough of being tired and sleepy all day long. its time to be alive!

so, you, my readers, hold me accountable for my goals. 

keep me honest ;)

my lovely jen

its another editing day. 

i find it relaxing to edit on sundays. 

i spend the whole time listening to this fabulous acoustic airwave session with my favorite bon. seriously-if you have 24 minutes to listen to something in the background, this should be your go to.

i've been editing the rest of jen's engagements to send off to her. a few people have asked to see the rest, so i figured i'd just put them on here. so, for your viewing, 

(i love this one a lot)

you've got this

please never forget that you got this far. never forget that you wanted to be this good. please try harder next time and remember why it was important to you to get better. thats all.

lately...

things i love lately...

these shoes

writing

especially in my journal

this season finale. seriously-so great.

this headband

this song

bottlecaps. 

yep. i collect them. 

ruby red

i cannot wait to see this movie. 

i love his unruly hair, that could be made perfectly into clark gable, if the scissors would allow it.

i love her hair. because it is ginger. 

and i love his glasses and how he loves her so.

dear 14 year old me

smallville was never really that important. lana and clark will never truly be together, so accept the fate. pictures and word for word synopsis of each episode is a little much. i already know. i watched them when you wrote them.

please stop liking boys that are shorter than you. it becomes this weird habit that you can't seem to break for a few years. 

moving isn't really the end of the world. i know it seems like one of the hardest things you've done, but it will get better. and jenna will always be there. 

filling up one whole page with O's for emphasis on 'so' doesn't really do anything but waste ink. and pages.

please always love writing in your journal as much as you do now. i like seeing the old me.

little repeating birdie

every time i watch this movie my heart aches and i want to go back

and then there was the real me

some days i don't feel like writing. nothing comes to me. and then, all in a rare instant, it hits. like a big gust of wind that has left me cold and chilled. and i can do nothing else until each word has been written. and as i write, it seems as if more words spill from the very bones of my fingers, no hesitation in wondering what i am saying as i clumsily write as fast as my fingers and thoughts will allow.  then as soon as it starts, it finishes.

its one of those moments.

there have been times that i have shocked myself with the actions i've taken. and sometimes i wonder where the momentary girl has gone. where the bold girl that went off to school not knowing anyone, disappeared to. where the reckless and adventurous girl that did not hesitate to travel across the ocean and place herself in a disease and poverty stricken country, has chosen to hide. where did she decide to go, the brave girl, who fearlessly, for the first time told a boy how she felt and didn't turn back. she didn't care if he said he didn't feel the same or if she would be flustered at the idea of spilling her soul. all she could do was share the overflow of feelings that were pouring over and experience the new facets her life had to offer. then i look at that and realize, that once, i was brave. though the fleeting moments were few and fast, they were fierce and they were times that i was firm. and moments that i was possibly the most me i could ever be. and i wonder where that me is and how i can keep the elusive resoluteness that i had once found. to live my life with such passion and surety that the mundane issues and even larger problems of my life seem as sandpaper that will only scuff my skin if i allow it.

and as it always happens, i realize, now, that i am taking such teeny steps towards finding the elusive elsa and keeping her here to stay. by sharing the most inner workings of my being, my thoughts, when i normally would shudder at the idea of posting such personal parts of myself on such a public place. the clarity and effectuation that comes from writing through my weakness is just what i have needed and just what i have dared to share. i thank the hand that has forced mine to be a small snippet of the girl i am trying to find. and trying to keep.

a.m.s.

how fickle my heart and how woozy my eyes
i struggle to find any truth in your lies
and now my heart stumbles on things i don't know
my weakness i feel, i must finally show.






this is all i listen to lately.
mumford is soothing.

lately...

things i love lately...

new chapstick. 

for the first time in my life i finished, not just one tube of chapstick, but two.

going to target.

misty.

this quote.

this eiffel tower mug. 

i can't stop painting. i want it for me.

my sunglasses

5 things i did today

1. i ate the best cupcake ever.
(nutella crepe. to die for.)

2. i spent way too much time on photoshop making things for blogs.
so much time that my brother said i need a job.
a job that involves photoshop. not just a job.
but i thought he meant just a job at first too.

3. i watched hook with the twins.
doesn't he have the sweetest face?

4. i painted my toes a wonderful shade called tart deco.
essie's just the greatest.

5. i may have skyped for an accumulative of over 3 hours since last night.
this is not how i feel about it.

bw

if you had looked at the things i have pinned lately, 

you would notice that i have an unhealthy obsession with black and white photographs. 

like seriously. 

i found this amazing photographer from alabama yesterday
and i'm dying over almost everything he's done.
and its all film-he's a genius. 

raindrops on roses

today i enjoyed two of my favorite things. 

painting on tea cups and bows in my red hair. 

they're my things. 

(except for the one mug i'm painting for blondie)

thats really all i have to say today. 

and this-

no one person truly understands another. try as we might, we simply can't do it.

we can empathize, we can be as compassionate as our souls will allow,

but to truly feel as another does, is God-like.

and the few people that possess that gift 

are numbered among the greatest, the healers, the humble hearted. 

those who allow divine authority to gift them 

with such painful and important duties, 

and reach beyond themselves to give as much as they possibly can. 

what a rare and beautiful breed they are. 

3 year olds are my preferred friends

i've realized i've spent the lady three friday nights hanging out with kids. and while it may categorize me as a loner with no friends, i'd like to consider myself as a girl with extra friends. because there are some times when i'd much rather be hanging out with these funny kids than half of the people my age. 

today's fun included making cookies and trampoline jumping and i nabbed so many cute pictures. i'm sorry, but you will have to indulge me and look at them all. 

isn't she just the absolute cutest?

lately....

things i love lately...

crafting on skype

fresh flowers in my room

these guys. specifically on top of the world.

and then there's things i miss lately...

mind reading conversations

those ruddy bobbypins

and just everything.

progress for the sake of progress

this is my photoshop face.

i am wearing this face because today,

i did something thats usually a bit uncomfortable and nerve-wracking for me. 

i took pictures of someone. 

now, it may not seem like a big deal, but let me fill you in. 

remember how i said its uncomfortable for me to take pictures of people and be in charge?

 and that its something i should work on? 

well, i called up my friend cortney and asked 

if she would let me take some pictures of her pretty little face. 

i may have panicked a little earlier today 

when i realized that the only person i have ever really taken pictures of are jace and jenna,

who pose themselves, and know what to do from a photographic standpoint, 

but cort was a darling model who helped the process become a bit easier

with her sense of humor, similar to my own, and easygoing nature. 

i'm no professional at this stuff. but i really do love doing it. 

and i can't help but thinking that for one of the first times, 

i really like practicing and working harder than i ever have to become as good as i can get.

and some may not think my pictures are that great, 

and granted, they're not as good as others.

but they're mine and i took them. 

and i can't believe i did.