paradoxical lessons

You know, I used to be the kind that just really lived on a plan. I always had a plan envisioned and I lived it.  And somewhere along the way, college changed that.  It seems as if I live each year with cautionary tape around it that prevents me from planning too far ahead to devastatingly realize it will get changed.  Its because of this stage that I'm in that keeps me from making any solid plans.  Its both invigorating and exhausting. To be able to decide on a whim to travel to Europe or change where I live or take a new job, not going back to school and at the same time, not be too completely committed to any one thing.  But at the same time, to not feel anchored or attached to some sanity and real ideas that everyone else seems to have can be depressing.  Its this paradoxical lifestyle that I think confuses the crap out of us (for lack of a prettier way of saying it).  It confuses everything we ever have known and gives a thrill seeking "I want to do everything on a whim" but then has us second guessing that maybe some stability would make us happier and keeps us from really trusting our gut instincts. But what I have learned from it now is to enjoy the freedom, appreciate the tie-downs that I once had, live for what you know eventually will come, and maybe, just maybe, this will prove to have taught us to live for now and not for tomorrow and the next years.  Because I will never know what exactly is coming up, but the idea is tantalizing enough to keep me from now and scare me from not wanting to let things happen as they may. change. thats all it really is, is change. and thats something i've feared my whole life. and its something that i may just start to be liking after all.