i don't think i'm the one who wrote this

i gave jace a hard time today for not updating her blog more often. and then i waxed poetically about how i make sure to write every day, except weekends (sorry j, i realize that convo was a little too egotistical). and then i realized, i better write today, even though i totally don't have anything to say, and even though its a half hour past my bed time. 

i would like to tell you that i have anxiety. its a little scary for me to write that. but i feel the pressing need to. i've always kept certain parts of my integral self and personality secret for fear of exposing too much and scaring some away. contrary to my thought, i have found the exact opposite in the most beautiful and kind souls that have so wonderfully incorporated themselves into my life and carefully listened to and helped me with the very things that trouble me most. and they don't even care. it is the strangest thing to me, to see such rare and pure love that has completely encompassed me at all times and to know that at once i thought they would all laugh at me for it. and to still occasionally be afraid to admit the things that embarrass me most. 

so i would wish to tell you, whomever you may be, that there is comfort in sharing with others. and there is comfort in sharing with yourself. there are still good and lovely people in this world and they walk closer than we might know. i generously thank those who have accepted me and taught me the lesson of being compassionate, even like the greatest understander of compassion.  and i tell you, one last time, that once it was hard for me to admit to myself that there were things i needed help with and there were things that i wanted to say, but once i did, i found inside me, the most beautiful creature that had been waiting to help me roam this world with the happiness and confidence that i needed to know i had. 

huh. and i thought i didn't have anything to say. 

*i hope you don't think that i have some severe form of uncontrollable anxiety that has taken over my life. its just there, and it needed to be taken care of. and i am wonderful.