5 things going on with me lately (that you didn't already know about)

1. yesterday i took pictures of a girl that i had never met before. 

and it was very much like a real photo shoot, 

except for all of the aimless driving, trying to find places to shoot.

oops. 

she was very cute and played the uke.
it made me miss my twin. 

more to come later

2. I'm learning how to assert myself more and grow up in little bits. (see above)
its very fulfilling and satisfying and i don't know why i didn't start sooner.

more on that later. 

3. i've been on a water kick lately. i drink lots and lots of water. 

and i have to pee lots and lots of times. 

so much hydration.

4. on an also somewhat healthy note,

i have healthy smoothies for breakfast each morning, 

instead of the usual chocolate muffins, doughnuts,

and the occasional chocolate cake (terrible, i know). 

i get sick every now when i eat them. 

i guess my body is forcing me to treat it better. 

5. i've started to hate spending money. 

i don't know how or who blessed me with that,

but thank heavens they did. 

you can really learn a lot about a person from their receipts. 

lately....

things i love lately...

sandal weather

i love me some cute toesies

astro burger

if that doesnt give me a heart attack, i don't know what will

friendship bracelets

africa, guatemala, and twin

never be daunted by jay may

its been on repeat the last two days

reading anything from c.jane

she's a beautiful writer

crafting.

i'm a martha stewart snob.

mess. mess. mess.

do you ever get so focused on just one thing that everything else becomes irrelevant?

i'm a distracted person in general,
so my room normally suffers from too little attention from me. 

but lately, i'm embarrassed to admit,

that i noticed i was letting girls camp overtake my life

from the messy clutter in other areas of my life that usually stay pristine.

like laundry....

and my wallet...

how does one stay on top of it all? 

i simply don't know. 

but i guess i will know once this is all over. 

a bun day.
and it was messy.
very messy. 

cause i can't not post.

i don't really want to blog today. 

yuck.

its a night that ends with

a grumpy attitude, a sour face, and a yearning for bed. 

so, i'm going to put on my socks and go to bed.

goodnight.

and here's to hoping tomorrow won't end the same. 

later....
having read this, twenty minutes after the fact,
i silently laugh at the irony and slight shock
of the easy ability we have to change our moods with just a simple decision.
and while my mood change was not completely my doing
(thanks to the simple words of a few)
i am impressed at the idea of how quickly it can all change,
for the worse, or in my case, the better.
so now i say,
goodnight world!
and yes, tomorrow night will end better, because i say it will. 

before i go to bed

quite often, 

i spend the last few moments of my day on computer. 

editing and designing.

and i do love it so. 

i am itching to keep learning

and i am yearning to progress. 

who would have ever thought that one day 

i would actually spend my summer doing 'homework'? 

and though i don't consider taking pictures and playing on InDesign as homework, 

i would never have guessed it would have been me. 

I'm an INFJ

some days i have a creative brain overload.
a whole spew, no, an enormous tidal wave of ideas spurt through every fold in brain
and start to rush out of the orifices of my head.
i become a 7 year old boy with raging ADD,
moving my focus from one creative project to the next inspiring idea
at light speed intervals while my mere mortal body tries to keep up.
i can't even begin to explain how it seems that i can simultaneously
think of a single idea in certain detail, while rushing over a new idea at the same exact time.
it boggles me to think that i am even capable of this creative thought high.
and then i laugh and remember the realities i have learned of myself of late
and think, 'that's merely you elsa'. and it is.

and i don't even want to begin to try and describe how i somehow still remember them days later.
cause i don't know how.
my brain is a masterpiece, a work of art, and it can only clearly be explained the making of something much higher and more divine.
i love to think that.

lately...

things i love lately...

striped boatneck shirts.

audrey style.

michaels coupons.

red raspberry and peach smoothies. 

somebody i used to know the g and l edition.

they love to sing it and its so adorable. 

drinking hot drinks for my sore sore throat in my teacup. 

yes, i made that! (i'm so proud) and yes, like i predicted, my voice is even more gone. 

girls camp activities.
seriously the best thing in my life right. 

beacause i've suddenly become one of those super busy people who only talk about how busy they are and don't have time to do much else

the three most prominent things of my day, in picture form:

of all the things i needed today, it was my voice. 

my literal voice. 

and it was gone. and still is. and perhaps will be even more gone tomorrow. 

want to do something fun? want to go to taco bell?

so me and noah went.

and saw our super cool neighbor in the drive through in front of us. 

i like knowing grandma's make 10 o'clock t-bell runs too. 

GC. 

girls camp. 

can i just say how much i love doing this?

i love that it takes up all of my free time and i wish it took up even more free time. 

i don't think i'm the one who wrote this

i gave jace a hard time today for not updating her blog more often. and then i waxed poetically about how i make sure to write every day, except weekends (sorry j, i realize that convo was a little too egotistical). and then i realized, i better write today, even though i totally don't have anything to say, and even though its a half hour past my bed time. 

i would like to tell you that i have anxiety. its a little scary for me to write that. but i feel the pressing need to. i've always kept certain parts of my integral self and personality secret for fear of exposing too much and scaring some away. contrary to my thought, i have found the exact opposite in the most beautiful and kind souls that have so wonderfully incorporated themselves into my life and carefully listened to and helped me with the very things that trouble me most. and they don't even care. it is the strangest thing to me, to see such rare and pure love that has completely encompassed me at all times and to know that at once i thought they would all laugh at me for it. and to still occasionally be afraid to admit the things that embarrass me most. 

so i would wish to tell you, whomever you may be, that there is comfort in sharing with others. and there is comfort in sharing with yourself. there are still good and lovely people in this world and they walk closer than we might know. i generously thank those who have accepted me and taught me the lesson of being compassionate, even like the greatest understander of compassion.  and i tell you, one last time, that once it was hard for me to admit to myself that there were things i needed help with and there were things that i wanted to say, but once i did, i found inside me, the most beautiful creature that had been waiting to help me roam this world with the happiness and confidence that i needed to know i had. 

huh. and i thought i didn't have anything to say. 

*i hope you don't think that i have some severe form of uncontrollable anxiety that has taken over my life. its just there, and it needed to be taken care of. and i am wonderful. 

and this is how my day went

this is what the flu virus looks like. 

me, watching endless movies (which has now turned to tv),

and looking for all sorts of crafts and creative ideas for girls camp online, 

while conveniently parked on the couch in front of the tv. 

i may have snottily commandeered the entire basement living room, 

but hey-i'm sick. don't we all get the right of taking over 

some space in the house when under the weather?

my inflamed throat, plugged ears, and aching body scream yes. 

i'll walk on

i seem to always get stuck.
stuck on something. or someone.
and no matter what, i can't seem to move past it.
my obsessive brain dwells and dwells on the same simple facts,
that are so obviously black and white,
and try to look for the gray maybes hidden within.
inevitably, i lead myself to more miserable moments,
just trying to label denial as optimism.

and finally, yesterday,
i was hit with the bricks of actuality.
there is no in between shade of gray, however much i may wish for it.
i am me, and he is he. (grammar?)
i cannot change what the imminent may be,
as hard as my controlling thoughts may press the area or disappointment in my mind.

so here i am,
leaving the many somethings
and the not so prevalent someone,
for a much bigger and better world of
definites and possibilities.
and i feel pretty darn confident about it.
and pretty darn empowered.

well hello again!

long time no see! i'm back in the good old homestead and i've got a lot going on lately. i know i obviously have a lot i haven't written about, so here it is, in good old fashioned elsa way, here's a list. 

ten things to keep you caught up with me

1. i loved the beach. thats really all there is to it. 

a much needed sun soak has refilled my happiness vitamin D fuel tank. 

2. i gained a few pounds. 

southern food is not the best for my figure, 

no matter how much i may love it. 

let the ceasing of soda drinking begin!

3. i spent 5 days enjoying snippets of my southern life in atlanta

and oh, do i miss it so. 

4. i am the best bridesmaid ever.

all the way to the deep south just for her bridal shower.

or maybe she's the best bride ever for conveniently planning. 

its probably the latter. and i love her for it. 

5. unpacking. it will be the death of me. 

6. i have an official obsession with journals...

it was discovered on a target trip in panama city beach.

7. i've been made the director of girls camp for church. 

its a bit overwhelming to think all girls ages 12-17 will be looking to me 

for fun, certification, and spiritual fulfillment, 

but i am so excited about it all, it helps me forget that.

8.  i read sisterhood of the traveling pants. now that i'm finally 'old enough' to read it, 

i spent the whole time loving the story and trying to get past the differences from movie to book. 

i thought watching the movie first might be better in those situations.

turns out, its about the same. 

9. i' registered for classes for the fall. is it weird that its happened so soon?
i feel like it was just a few weeks ago that we ended winter and now its time for fall.
here comes school slowly leaking into my summer and making me think about it. 

10. i am happy. oh so happy.  

i am also extremely tired. maybe i shouldn't have blogged, and waited for a more creative moment, but i needed to get something out. its been over a week. 

lately...

things i love lately....beach edition

trashy mags

g's constant wish to be buried in the sand. over and over again. 

bubble gum. 

from the infamous sugar shak. 

the civil wars

my new beach hat

waves

fashion shots

last friday i took pictures for a friend with a wonderful fashion blog. 

the sweet girl let me get a little artistic with my shots and i'm just loving these two shots. 

so i thought i'd share. 

i normally don't do plugs for anything, including myself, but

have a fashion blog? or a regular blog? 

need pictures?

just give me a jingle and i will gladly take your pictures!

ok, thats the end of my self-advertisment. i guess it wasn't too uncomfortable.

yep, i'm a romantic

written on may 16th, 2012

i used to have this bitter and cynical view of love. i blame my age and school location. with everyone around me getting closer to marriage, it only seemed that i was getting further and further away. men had turned into slovenous pigs or spineless jellyfish, and i had no cares for any of them. it seemed as if i would never reach love. i would never find it and i was ok with giving up on it. and then, one day, i fell in love, with love. i became infatuated with the very idea of it. the essence of it. the image. and i became that lovesick, hopeless teenage girl i once was. but i had a deeper appreciation. a fondness. an understanding of the souls being merged into a serious and deep love that went beyond butterflies, quaint kisses, and batting eyelashes.
everyone always tells me that i am the friend. the friend that will only date one more boy and that very boy, i will marry. i will have a romantic, sweep me off my feet love that will whisper to both my brain and my heart, oh there it is. there you are. and whether it is true, or whether it is false, i will see. but i know that the moment a man sees me as a lovely person and only dares leave my presence if his heart would allow such distance, that i will be hopelessly, madly, and passionately in love with him. and i will not know what to do with all the wonder and beauty that will unfold in my life. and it will be the end. and a beginning. but for now, i will wait. and i will hope. and i will stay in love with love, and count my days remaining alone. for it is alone, that i truly began my journey to loving him.

one day.

annie

well, here we are again.

yet another friend photo shoot!

 last week annie offered herself as a practice model and even gave me a location idea-score!

(i'm telling you, sandyland is not as full of great places as small college town was)

i walked away a bit more confident, 

but ultimately more jealous of her green eyes.

still at the beach.
pictures to come :)

rb

this is where i am right now.

you should be jealous. 

i mean, it is only the best place to go to the beach.

and the southern home cooking is incredible. 

its good to be home. 

because lobsters mate for life

i will live my life as a lobsterman's wife
on an island in the blue bay
he will take care of me, he will smell like the sea
and close to my heart, he'll always stay

i will bear three girls, all with strawberry curls
little ella and nellie and faye
while i'm combing their hair, i will catch his warm stare
on our island in the blue bay

because one day i will have this and i will be just as happy and content as this song feels
and this will maybe be what it looks like, but with many more children. but still with the red hair.

lately...

things i love lately....

gossip girl. obviously. 

this book. 

i mean, uh, journal. 

tongue tied. 

this picture. 

heytell. 

summer skirts

my 3 am ramble

i think its funny when people put their names as their blog url. its like the world is so desensitized that we don't even try to be safe on the internet anymore. and when we find that they've been stalked and possibly kidnapped, they'll say 'well, they did make their blog url their first and last name'.

sometimes i go to the movies at midnight and spend the whole time thinking to myself, 'i am going to be so tired tomorrow morning. i have to go straight to bed when i get home.' but then i get home and spend hours talking instead and i think 'ehhh what harm is it anyways?'. thats when my morning mood says 'its an extra hour of sleep. thats the harm.'

do you ever realize how ironic it is that we complain about things that we could stop? school is expensive. well then don't go.  i hate being tired. well then go to bed.

ever wonder why your brain gets all funny late at night? i like to think i do my best work then. but sometimes i just end up sleep talking to my roommates. or sleep hey-telling them.

once i heard about free-range writing. at least i think it was called that. maybe it was free-form or free-thought. anyways, its when you just write whatever you're thinking. there need not be any connecting thoughts or words.

the germans wore grey, you wore blue.



though i am a bit delusional and it is extremely late, i do realize that some of these thoughts could potentially offend a few people. please take no offense-i like all your blog urls, enjoying spending time talking, i complain all the time myself, and my brain is the weirdest of them all. its late. and i just have thoughts.