it doesn't make sense

sometimes, i don't make sense. 

not only the things i say (i can be very, very confusing), but me, as a person. 

like why wasn't i born with red hair? its obviously such a better fit with my coloring.

and why do i have the tendency to let my tongue freeze over when meeting new people?

why am i supposed to be spending my time and life photographing people, 

when i naturally find it uncomfortable and awkward to have confidence in that area?

don't get me wrong-

i'm all for loving yourself as you are and making the best of what you've got. 

but i still just wonder.

and then i remember. 

i remember that if i had naturally red hair, it probably still wouldn't be red today. 

if i didn't have a hard time meeting people,

i wouldn't have met the greatest people i know today, who take the time to talk to the shy tall girl. 

but biggest of all, i am supposed to photograph people for the very reason i wonder why in the first place. 

to stop being nervous and awkward and relate to people the way i know i can. 

and i'm given this in the most beautiful art form i have grown to appreciate so deeply.

once i had a voice with ideas and interests, but was too afraid to talk.

and when i did speak, i realized i had things to say and i didn't care who would listen and who did not. 

there is a purpose for everything out there, ya know.