snapchat queen

snapchat is my creative outlet for boredom during work. 

and this is what becomes of it. 

wednesday

there is so much that has happened this last week, and sometimes i still can't process it all. #itsagoodthing
my house felt like little mexico last week. we're replacing the tile floor and all i hear all day is mariachi band music and spanish.
i stayed up all night one night catching up on movie trailers. it was literally like all night. #movielover
my room got so messy last week, that at one point i swore it was a fire hazard.
again, i'm even more fully understanding the concept of when it rains it pours.
i shock myself lately. the logical side of me is thrown away at the door and all that panicky anxiety is starting to melt away with it. don't worry though-i haven't completely lost all my responsibility.
i've been working on a little project lately and its been so much fun. you'll see it soon :)
i love my friends. i feel like one of those high schoolers that never stops talking about their friends, but i seriously got to hand it to them-they are the best. and i love them.
i still have a crush on phillip phillips.

what i listen to

i don't claim to be a big music enthusiast or expert, but this is what i love listening to lately. and lately, they are all youtube exclusives.

can you tell i'm in an acoustic guy trend? 

families

i'd like to think that the man i marry will wear a bow tie on our wedding day, just for me, because he knows how much i love them. and on occasion, he'd wear them again, and say that he did "only because you love them so much". but i would know its because he secretly likes them. and maybe we would fight over our children's names and what they really should be and spend hours looking through baby books of names. i also like to dream of having two daughters, that despite their quarrels, really do love having each other, because they should be so lucky to have a sister that i never had. but maybe occasionally, i would just hold my little boys and teach them how to be kind and gentle. but mostly, above all else, i think of how lovely it will be to still be in love with the family i will have one day, despite the messes, frustrations, harder moments. i learned yesterday about the exceptional gift it is to love someone so much that their well being trumps everything that you want for yourself. and to learn that it is one of the few ways that we can truly learn to love the way we are loved by a Heavenly Father, makes families and marriage seem that much more important.  because with that true love, it is so God-like, it makes family seem like more of a heavenly experience.

32/52

249. my legs are so battered. look at those bruises. 

you can't even see all the bug bites.

250. hello blue nail polish

252. sunflowers for my mama on her birthday

253. working on a project

254. i like watching movies

255. twin boys read cartoons on sundays

will do anything for a photo

i found this on my computer the other day and laughed.

i had forgotten how funny it was when i tried to take cortney's portraits

but it started pouring down rain and it was the first time using my camera.

but i found a way. 

like i always say, i'll do anything for a picture.
then, when i think about how yesterday i took some of the greatest pictures of my life
as a finisher for cortney's session that had been cut short,
i want to cry.
because with the lightning storms and a power surge,
it left me with a blank memory card
and absolutely no pictures from the shoot.
i still want to cry when i think about it too long.
but don't worry,
WE ARE TAKING THOSE DARN PICTURES!

Back at it again

serena vander woodsen-am i right?

probably one of my favorite parts of visiting jace, 

was getting to take her pictures again. 

she's always the best model and lets me take my time to try new things as i learn.

i missed taking her pictures and love these pictures. 

Loving yourself is as life was intended

I wrote this for a blog (on promoting confidence in young women) a long time ago, and when I stumbled upon it today, I thought I'd share it here.

It is a constant mess of problems and drama to be a girl.  A world in which happy things bring the bright upswing of life only to counterbalance the internal struggles that we each secretly survive each day.  The little details of a passing boy, the consuming drama of a friend, and the overwhelming thoughts of our own shortcomings.  With all of our similar struggles, it’s a wonder why we don’t realize the bond we do share in this.  I believe the root of it all is comparison and the internal struggle of needing to love what we lack.  Looks. Talent. Personality.  The heartache that plagues us all and quietly whispers as a little white lie, “You can never be that good. Settle for your imperfections.” The teacher of all rationalization.  The breeder of miserable moods.  It slowly washes away the resolve that all women must wear until we slowly wash away ourselves.  We were never good enough.  There was no point in trying.  I’ll only disappoint myself more with my inferiority.

         And as the pain wrenches and rips our soul in two, our outsides mimic our ugly and worn down thoughts while the viscous cycle continues. It seems as if there is no way out and no hope of a better day with happy solutions. Downward spiraling into the hole that we have dug ourselves.  But the glimpse of a ladder can always be seen.  It is up to the climber to decide to ascend or not.

            It was when I decided to begin to constantly compare myself with the people around me, and no doubt the people I loved most, that I slowly and viscously slipped into that all-consuming trap that was myself. Each step came more quick and much easier than the last, turning me into the oxymoron that it was.  The self-conscious and self-righteous bubble that I thought was preserving and cultivating my outside allure, was only harming it.  I was so far maimed by my own shortcomings that they were becoming blatantly obvious . And I was not fun to be around.  I did not know who I had become and how I could get out.  The harder I tried, the deeper I sunk, and the envy inside of me grew.  I was upset with myself for becoming the jealous friend that loved, but constantly and internally compared.  I knew this was not me.

                And I don’t know who or what it was that finally awoke me to my senses (for I cannot take full credit), but it was as if the curtains in my dull drafty house had been opened.  And this is what I learned. Each person is made up of such beautiful specific detail, that there is no way in this world that I could possibly be compared to another.  With the particulars of my personality and the basics of my looks I could not try to compare my shortcomings with another’s strengths.  And with the slow realizations that came into my mind, the truths of my own strengths trickled into my mind.  It was the truths of my own internal beauty that gave me comfort in my own skin and passion in my life.  The comfort that slowly showed in my smile and gave the confidence I had so clearly lacked. What a beautiful world it had become with happiness radiating my life.  It wasn’t because of the noticing of others in my change but my own awareness of myself and my benefits towards this world that helped me become the most me I ever have been in my life. 

Of all of the personal struggles and stories I have read and heard of, none has touched me more than the story of Stephanie Nielson.  In her beautiful book, Heaven is Here, she so beautifully describes exactly how I have come to felt.  “I know, now, without a doubt that the true source of happiness, self-worth, and authentic beauty doesn't come from the outside. Women are constantly being persuaded to want something unachievable, to look younger or thinner and above all to fit in because being different is too painful and embarrassing. I have accepted myself in a world that does not accept me, because I have learned that our hearts matter most... It's a beautiful heart, not a perfect body, that leads to a beautiful life.”

Of all I have learned, I know this. Loving yourself is as life was intended.  We were made for specific purpose in this life and with that specific purpose, we must learn to truly and deeply love ourselves so we can begin to unfold the great tasks that are in store for us in our lives. Each person is unique and molded for their own reasons. And the more we learn to accept ourselves for the strengths and admit our weaknesses, the more we come to learn to rely on others to accomplish a greater good in this world.  To work with others is where we learn to truly appreciate them and love ourselves as life intended.  Life can be a glorious thing if we let it.  Learn to love it with the passion of your own uniqueness.

friends and weddings

last weekend i got to go to a little town in california, where four of my best friends are from. 

after having heard so much about it and its people, it was so much fun to actually go and see it.

i loved loved loved meeting all the family and friends and soaking it all in.

and on top of it all, going to the first of the weddings for the six of us, was the best part of it all.

lovely candice and ian looked so beautiful together and it was a day of celebration and happiness. 

i love weddings because they're so full of happiness. 

i also hate them, because they make me want to have a wedding, 

but this one only made me more and more excited for 

the weddings that will keep coming for all of my friends.

and this girl-she's the real gem. 

we ventured through the beginning years of adulthood and college together

and i couldn't have done it without her. 

i owe her a lot, and knowing how happy she is makes the fall without her a whole lot easier. 

thanks for showing me your town-i'll be back next summer!

manic monday

last week was some pretty fun times. no, it was probably some of the funnest times. i was with all my girls and got to see where they all live and meet their families. more on that later (tomorrow).
school is getting ever closer. and like every year, i anticipate it and dread it at the same time.
i've learned that volunteering to work the day after vacation is really stupid.
i can't stop listening to katy perry's new song.
someone told me i was movie-star beautiful, cover of a magazine gorgeous last week and it made my entire day.
when i logged onto facebook last night, i counted 4 of my really good friends with pictures posted of them and their significant others. guess i better get on that.
i realized that going on dates with a guy that you already know you can't see it going anywhere is like putting a band aid on a scab. you don't really need it there, but why not just give it a test run? and all the while you know that in the end, ripping that sucker off is going to hurt. yikes.
i bought the sound of music last week and you cannot believe how happy i was to see it on sale.
having happy friends makes me happy.

i love god. african stories.

i once said earlier this summer, that i would share more about my travels because they bring me alive. so here is a story that i still love the most.

there was one girl i met that was more of a heavenly teacher than a little girl to me.  as a 10 year old from the local town of naivasha, we were very different.  but she told me of  her life so proudly and excitedly. i asked her, "what is your favorite thing to learn about in school?" she quickly and boldly answered with a subject that to them meant religion and church.  as i was surprised by her boldness to share something that may have seemed more private so easily with someone so much older and different than her, she continued on. "do you know why? because I love God." it was so simply stated that her firm conviction shook me to immediate tears.  she continued even more, not even frazzled by my emotion, "and He loves you. i know He does. because He loves me." she taught me the simplicity of a relationship with God and a love for a faith that she knew to be true. a courage to share what you know to simply share your happiness of it.

dancin'

a couple weeks ago i went to the lower lights concert with my family and our friends the merrills. 

i love this picture and this little friend of mine.

monday oh monday

dying my hair always makes me feel better. i love the dark red so much.
what doesn't make me feel better is the recent change in my complexion...its throwing me for a loop.
i'm visiting my friends this week. WHATT??
i have a really hard time keeping my room clean. particularly my clothes.
sometimes when i'm grumpy and don't want to be, i call up jace and then i'm ok.
i tried to eat healthier last week. it kinda worked.
i also cooked a full meal-from scratch. and it was good.
linkedin is one of my newer time taking activities, but its all professional.
sorry for all the bachelorette talk, but i feel like des lately, and it comes with the territory.
i played badminton last week. it was awesome.
i don't get to spend a half day with my mom that much anymore, but when i do, i love it.
sometimes i wonder if being completely honest isn't christ like...but then i wonder if lying is better.
i don't ave any guilty pleasures. it requires embarrassment of the pleasure and i normally obsess so much over things like that i'm not embarrassed to hide it.

32/52

236. shakes. my favorite treat. 

237. i love this movie so so much and i always will. 

238. he never smiles for pictures anymore

240. the first time this has ever happened. 

it sucked. 

241. pizza sundays

i haven't been very good at taking pictures lately :/

an ode to shel silverstein and how I feel about my day

i do not want to be at work today,
the little elsa marin conveyed.
i have some projects and tasks to complete.
they're growing and growing, but I can't seem to compete.
i'd rather be shopping or swimming for fun,
just anything at all that involves the warm sun.
but i have a list of things to do,
i can't simply ignore it, for there's more than a few.
it seems my fun may just have to delay...
wait, whats that you say?
you say today is friday??
oh, goodbye! I'm going to go out to play.


and then i decided to never try writing a poem again. ha.

how is it wednesday?

how is it wednesday already? 

i feel like yesterday was friday. 

isn't it funny how life ebbs and flows like that?

i have weeks that are so filled and busy but it makes time go slow with all the activities. 

and i have days that are pretty normal and it seems that they are 

speeding by faster than i can process them. 

i'm never quite sure how to feel about all of this change and differences in my life

and how quickly or steadily they flow in.

but if there's one thing i'm learning, 

it's that no matter what, it will always go,

and i must always appreciate it while it happens.

and right now, i'm definitely enjoying it all while it happens.

how's your week going?

i just gotta say

i called it. 

i TOTALLY called it. 

that bachelorette finale was exactly what I thought would happen-

i always wanted chris from the beginning, and i knew he was real.

but maybe it's because i'm actually des ;)

me and mondays

The older I get, the more relevant, "when it rains it pours" becomes. Even in good aspects. 

I had one of the busiest weeks I've had in a while last week. All in good ways, of course.
I can't stop thinking about Next Food Network Star. I missed last night's and I want to know who gets off.

One night I spent the entire night with 3 teenage girls and they're now some of my new best friends.

There's nothing quite like snapchat to make you realize your ultimate fattest potential. I hate it. 

I spent half of my week waiting for something to happen, and then I decided to make it happen myself. Gumption is a new friend of mine.

I started filming more this last week and it was one of the more exhilarating moments of my life.

On Wednesdays, I wear orange. It's a Habitat for Humanity thing.
ULTA is a dangerous place for me. There's more nail polish than I could possibly ever imagine. #nailpolishaddict

You know those days that you have to spend a lot of money on mandatory things? Those days make me feel old and tired. 

Along those lines, I can tell I'm cheap when I get excited that it rained, so I can go a little longer without washing my car. 

Do you ever have those moments that while everything is happening, that the thought crosses through your head that this is your life unfolding right now. Sometimes I forget that my life is always unfolding, but lately, I've noticed it more and it helps me remember my divine life plan. And that is something that I could not be more blessed to have. 

31/52

229. summer work party

230. photo shoot

231. dads birthday=my favorite cake

232. lens whacking is my new favorite thing. 

and succulents as wedding favors.

233. babysitting little feet

234. i prefer the black and white life

what i'm reading

this week i decided that i should read. and while i haven't sat down and cracked open a book yet, .ike i wanted to, i actually have read a few really great articles and blog posts that are definitely worth while. you should take a read when you feel like it. be warned though-these span a wide variety of topics and genres. (links embedded in the sentences)

i love brooke white.

how everyone thinks they're a photographer now.

anything and everything about cory monteith's death and how lea is coping.

this is just plain funny. and true.

and that wily brunette. she always makes me think in the loveliest of ways.



enjoy some reading. i know i have.