Things I've found I'm not so good at

Guys, let me just start by saying I'm terrible at this whole dating thing. In no way, shape, or form is this a post that I'm writing with the intention of people feeling pity, sorrow, or awkward after having heard me spill myself and share the fact that I can't really seem to find the balance that cheesy LDS movies of singles wards portray. There is no steady in flow of dates with nice and occasionally attractive guys that just seem to meet me in some way or another and then everything ends with a hunky-dorey-we're-still-friends-and-everything-is-cool ending. Its not even the terrible awkward and weird guys that always ask me out and persistently bother me for my latest opinions on Harry Potter book to movie adaptions (though it has happened a few times). I think its more of the fact that I can't even LAND a date. Its a continuous dry spell that makes me feel like a dehydrated dater. Maybe its because I'm not a competitive person and there is in no way that I find it entertaining or flattering to my own being that I should have to bat my eyelashes a little harder or say something a bit more witty. Maybe its because, gosh darn it, I brought up my Smallville and Revenge love a bit too soon and with a bit too much passion. But ya know, sue me. The one thing I find extremely comforting is the fact that one day someone would find my fake red hair and dry bony hands an added plus to my ADD compulsion for all things that require organization in my life. And one day he would find that this post isn't weird and completely lost at wanting to be my friend after reading it (like some might). So here's to that possibility and here's to me being myself through and through during the whole process, and gosh darn it, I hope that its worth it.

23/52

146. bachelorette mondays with des!

147. sometimes you just need new toms

148. and this wasn't even the worst part of the day.

#carpaltunnelprobs

149. the camp mess has already started.

sorry mom.

150. i love my red hair.

151. oh, this dog. 

152. i just want to take a nap. 

riverside

there's just something about this song today.

(maybe it has something to do with the horrifying nightmare 

i had of me and my friend being hunted down by conrad and victoria grayson)

on being the best you

i've been hearing a lot of talk lately about being yourself. and it seems that mostly what's said is, "i'm not going to change who i am just for another person." i am a large believer in being yourself and loving yourself the way God intended you to be, deriving joy from the thrilling happiness of it.  but i've began to look at it both ways.  because i've been on the other side of it, and i think that there's more to our stories than that.  what i mean to say, is that I think there is a difference between "changing who you are" and not living to be the absolute best version of yourself.  no matter and no amount of standard changing situations and moral dilemmas that happen because of people or because of life's circumstances, should dictate that we change the way we live, for worse.  but i think that when it comes to our own shortcomings, there is no reason that we shouldn't try our hardest to turn them into strengths.  from the girl that lost herself in the excuse of of being an introvert and blamed her short comings on "just the way she was", there came an incredible amount of pure joy from learning to turn weaknesses into strengths and realizing that while she still might have had a certain personality, that was no pretense for hiding behind it.  and that girl could not have been more terrified of pushing the mold and reshaping it into something new, but that was no excuse.  it took time and it took tears, but there is no more greater satisfaction and delight than having done it all and triumphed. and she can gladly say that she is who she is, and she became better than she thought she was.

Candice and Ian

I was so excited when Candice asked if I would take her and Ian's engagements.

I've known them since the beginning of their relationship, 

and I was so glad that I could take their pictures. 

The sun was glorious, and they were so lovely in love. 

on traveling and me

I did a throwback the other day, for Thursday. It’s been a long time since I really thought long and hard about my trip to Africa and exactly how much I loved it.  Ironically and also a little bit pathetically, I cried when I went through those pictures.  I thought, “How can I live in this world now, but was once in a completely different universe, and forget about it?”  I was a little ashamed at how easily I had forgotten the things that I had learned and put aside the way that it changed me into a new person with a new perspective.  As a person who was absolutely enthralled with the stories but also didn’t want to risk the persona of looking like a brag that wanted to force her more interesting life on top of someone else’s, I hid it all away because of embarrassment of looking prideful.  But that wasn’t how I wanted to remember it.  So I decided that I should remember it and share it. Because there is something about traveling that sets me on fire like nothing else.  I don’t know how its possible, but I find myself completely comfortable and at home in a foreign world that I had never seen.  I feel a fresh sense of life and its passion to learn and experience every single person in this world and every single thing that I could learn.  It’s an ironic thing, but there is nothing that brings me out of my shell and makes me feel more myself than being abroad. And I forgot that about myself. Between the expenses, the jet lag, and incredible amount of time that it takes, I got mixed up in the problems, and put away the passion.  But I would rather live a penniless life with an unconventional sleeping pattern so that I could travel than put aside the one thing that I remembered is my thing. WIth all the places I've been and the things I've seen, I don't think I could ever say that traveling is not for me. And I find comfort in that.