the girl with great big plans

do you ever look back? i think it's human nature to. we all look back, seeing the things that we remember. but the things that get me the most are the things that changed.  who i thought i would be. who i thought i was.  what i thought i would be doing.  where i thought i would be going. when i would be there. isn't it funny?  it was all so different that it makes us laugh at the idea of its difference and baffle at it too. the things that didn't happen and the things that we didn't expect, but came they to life. the old-timey grandma inside of me sits and shakes her head at life, thinking how am i ever going to make sure i've done it all.  is that bad? that i always remember things that have happened? or is it worse that i look forward to the things i imagine? regardless of the now, is not a way that i should live. so i'm coming back to that slowly, painstakingly just thinking about right now. because next time i look back, i want to remember being so engulfed in that time that its memory is distinct and its clarity in tact.