Jul 15, 2013

i think i'm still in love with my (fictional) boyfriend...s?

is it silly when i find myself thinking about men that i find attractive?
let me re-phrase that. 
is it silly when i find myself thinking about men that AREN'T REAL?
yeah. i can answer that for myself.
and while my younger adolescence friends will testify 
(jenna went through a pretty tough smallville phase with me)
i am nowhere near as bad as i used to be.
i think that out of embarrassment, i've chosen to keep myself from day dreaming
over the late matthew crawley or imagining an elsa-clark kent perfect date,
but i have to admit that small certain part of me that can't help but swoon
when i watch jim tell pam he loves her for the first time
or when tom talks about the things he loves about summer. 
i think it's instilled in women.
partly a curse that keeps me from going on another date
or chasing after that one guy, 
because he won't play peter gabriel on a boombox outside my window
(though that could be weird because i sleep in a basement).
i guess what i'm trying to say is, 
i think i haven't gotten over my fictional boy figures yet and the break ups begin now.


Jul 14, 2013

This day deserves a story. Hamburg.

And I hope that at least a few of you stick around to read it.
Because this was a day that was altering and beautiful to me 
and I wish to share that with those that will listen.










this much i had always known of my family before me:
they were full blooded german (on my grandmother's side)
her father (my great grandfather Karl) had been involved in the wrong efforts by accident 
during WWII and was captured by Nazis, 
and eventually the entire family immigrated to America to stay.
I ama named after Karl's wife, my great grandma Elsa,
and that has always been of at least a small significance to me.
as i have grown older and learned more, i've had specific and spiritual moments 
in which i have felt my grandma Elsa.
and this day in particular is one in which i learned the great importance of her 
and my special responsibility of the name that i hold that is hers.

the purpose of this entire trip was to take my father's parents back 
to the countries that they had come from.
my grandpa to denmark, and my grandma to germany. 
neither had been and it was a big ordeal that almost all 
of their children and some of their grandchildren joined in on
and i heard of stories of my ancestors that i had never heard before.
this is as much as i know.

my great grandpa had worked in the government at the time of hitler's take over
and did not like the direction that he was taking the country in.
while he resisted, he was found and taken to a concentration camp.
he escaped and spent several months on the run.
i'm unsure as to the timing of the events, but i know that Elsa was left to her own with her children.
Hamburg was put under massive bombings because of its status as a port town,
and because of that the women and children were evacuated to live 
in an evacuated work camp on the outskirts of the city.
It was there that Elsa gave birth to my grandma during the middle of an air raid, in a bomb shelter.

there were so many stories, but the message was still the same to me.
they greatly sacrificed so that we could be here today.
so that i could carry a message as a namesake.
we spent that day trying to find where the work camp had been that my grandma was born in.
while it was a bit of a goose chase, we were surrounded and helped 
by the most wonderful germans that were so pleased to have been a part of it.
we finally found the street next to that which the camp had been
and a sweet old german man told us that he had lived there his whole life
 and we were in the right place.
with a few of the old bunkers left, we knew it too.
it was an incredible experience, and one that i am quite proud to have been a part of.
we spent the rest of the day at the harbor and saw in person 
what we had seen in paintings of my great grandfather so many times.
i was grateful for that day and the lesson it gave me of family and heritage
and of the strong witness of the importance of my name
and the person that bore it.

my great grandparents, grandmother, and great uncle in Salt Lake.

Jul 13, 2013

.

every now and then i have a night that i don't particularly want to do anything very much at all. 
i just want christmas lights in a cramped fort with my friend
and then we can laugh about how squished we are in that tiny fort
and maybe share a few creative ideas too.


i'm glad i took that picture.

Jul 12, 2013

PRAGUE. PRAHA. PRAG.








(what free wifi in the middle of prague looks like)




now that i've finished up with girls camp, 
i can fully immerse myself back into all of these pictures 
(and stories) of the europe trip.
hopefully they aren't boring yet ;)

prague is beautiful.
we trained in for the day it was different than i could have expected. 
it was so rich with old history and a culture that i had never experienced before. 
it captivated me more than i thought it possibly could.

favorite spot: main square by the oldest clock in the world
best tourist site: an authentic czech polka band
funniest moment: training back in a non-air conditioned train. yuck.
traditions i could do without: a stinky need for tourist to pay for everything. even sitting on a floor.

Jul 11, 2013

that week that i spend with 20 teenage girls













i had such a great week.
these girls are my most favorite girls out there. 
we spent the week "roughing" it, hiking, crafting,
and of course, participating in the usual skits. 

of everything that i have learned from this, it is that 
there is a much more strong divine force that is at work in this world, 
and that this generation is being prepared for that, even if they don't know it.
they are each divine and unique people that contribute in different ways
and it would not be possible without their differences. 
they introduced me to "beef stew" (thanks brooke)
and crazy dance moves that i'm pretty sure are way beyond my skills.
but most of all, they are loving and i love them for that. 
let's hear it for my girls on fire!

Jul 5, 2013

Dresden, Germany












Dresden was my most favorite place in Germany.
I could have spent an entire week there.
I had no idea how impacted it had been by the war
and it was humbling and incredibly neat to see the buildings still standing
with charred exteriors to prove.
It was so sophisticated and untouched by American influence
that I never wanted to leave.

City: Dresden
Best gelatto: Raspberry and dark chocolate.
The best I had the entirety of the trip.
Best food: A true German meaty meal complete with potatoes
Favorite place: The main square and surrounding castles and streets.
So all of it.
There's really not much more I can say. I loved it all, so so much!